With nearly 30 seasons of episodes, The Simpsons is considered a cultural staple and the characters are known around the world. Part of what makes the namesake family so popular is the simple fact that they’re so darn flawed. But in real life, these flaws would probably leave the parents behind bars and most of the kids in juvenile hall. Here are some of the many, many crimes you might see the family commit on the show.
Homer Simpson’s Many, Many Criminal Offenses
Homer has drove drunk on countless occasions, choked his son a seemingly infinite number of times, committed arson a surprising number of times, stole cable in “Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment,” committed fraud on his taxes when he quickly filed them last minute in “The Trouble with Trillions,” kidnapped a pig that served as a school mascot and then forcing it to drink alcohol in “Homer Goes to College,” committed bigamy in “Viva Ned Flanders” when he married a second wife in Vegas, burglarized Ned Flanders’ home in “Thirty Minutes over Tokyo,” bootlegged alcohol in “Homer Vs. The Eighteenth Amendment,” harbored a fugitive and obstructed justice in “Mother Simpson” when he protected his criminal mother from the FBI and performed a hit and run when he struck down Hans Moleman in “The Parent Rap.” -And these are only a small number of the many, many crimes he has committed on the show.
While Homer has gone to jail and prison a handful of times, he always manages to get out before the next episode, but in real life, even with the world’s greatest criminal attorney on his side, he would easily spend the rest of his life behind bars if all of his crimes caught up with him.
Marge Simpson is Hardly Innocent
Homer’s not the only one to go to jail. Marge also ends up incarcerated after forgetting to pay for an item at the Kwik-E-Mart and being charged with shoplifting in “Marge in Chains” and in “Orange is the New Yellow,” she goes to jail for child neglect after letting Bart go to the park by himself. She also aids and abets a criminal in “Marge on the Lam,” breaks into Mr. Burns’ home in “The Last of the Red Hat Mamas” and sells expired pain pills in “We’re on the Road to Do’h-where.” Marge may not be as much of a criminal as Homer, but she seems to end up in front of a judge almost as many times, which is why she and the rest of the family should set aside some money so they can afford a quality lawyer rather than going with Lionel Hutz again.
Bart is a Juvenile Delinquent
Bart has committed multiple acts of vandalism, spray painting his name around Springfield and even cutting off and stealing the head of a statue of Jebediah Springfield in “The Telltale Head.” That’s by no means his only crime though, he also violates a local curfew law in “Wild Barts Can’t Be Broken,” tries to steal a video game in “Marge Be Not Proud,” committed fraud and perjury in “Bart Gets Hit by a Car,” performs credit card fraud in “The Canine Mutiny,” attempts to bribe a police officer in “The Wandering Juvie,” becomes a full-fledged con man with Homer in “The Great Money Caper” and more.
Lisa is Still a Simpson When it Comes to Crime
Lisa, the family goody two-shoes, has broken a few laws herself, even once stealing all of the teacher copies of text books from her school in “Separate Vocations.” Most of her crimes are those of activism though, like the time she broke a local ordinance by teaching evolution in her garage in “The Monkey Suit.” All in all, Lisa is probably the most innocent of all of the Simpsons and she would have the easiest time fighting the charges.
Maggie is the Deadliest One
Even little Maggie has shot people! Of course, as a baby, it’s unlikely that Maggie would ever be charged with a crime -let alone convicted, which is a little ironic given that she is the only family member to intentionally attempt to murder anyone (both Mr. Burns in the famous “Who Shot Mr. Burns” episode and multiple mobsters in “Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag”). In fact, her crimes would probably leave Marge and Homer facing more crimes as babies should obviously not be handling guns so frequently.
Given that her parents would probably be in prison for years if they were caught for their crimes, if the whole family was busted, Maggie would probably end up with new adoptive parents who would probably do a better job of keeping her away from guns -so ultimately, her criminal days would still be put to an end.
If you have been accused of any crime, whether or not the Simpsons did it, please call (760) 643-4050 or (858) 486-3024 to schedule a free initial consultation with Peter M. Liss.
Creative Commons image by Joe Schlabotnik